Live It Like You Mean It

My recent employment issues once again has me contemplating where my life is headed. As should be pretty clear to regular readers of my articles I obviously have no love for being a part of corporate America. And the main reason is because I’ve got other things I want to be doing with my life. And I just keep realizing how time keeps going by without me being all that much closer to achieving my life goals. When I was away from home for a month earlier this year training for my wonderful new job that has turned into a nightmare, I was able to write half a dozen new songs while in my hotel room. I returned home excited by the possibilities that new musical productivity in 2008 would mean. Four months later though those songs haven’t been recorded and I’ve barely touched my new songs. Thanks largely to a job where I’m working 50 hrs a week instead of the 40 that I used to work.

So here I am on the verge of another possible job change and I have to question what this next move has in store for my creative pursuits. I’ve known people much more talented than myself that have quit any creative pursuits in favor of college or jobs. There’s obviously nothing wrong with any of these choices for people who don’t have creative aspirations for a dream. But for me it is a dream and I can’t just let it die because of a job. The question I find myself asking myself is, what if I continue down this path for ten more years? Those thoughts scare me like not much else can. I’ve worked in retail for more than 7 years and its been 7 years too long. The idea that ten years from now I could still be working retail and no closer to accomplishing much with music or writing is a depressing thought indeed.

But if am completely honest with myself, I need to acknowledge that I haven’t done everything I could to pursue my dreams. Far from it. Everyone needs time to relax and kick back after a hard days’ work but it is all too easy to become complacent and plop down in front of the television for hours or play video games or whatever. If I and anyone like me is truly serious about our creative pursuits then we need to live like we mean it. I did some serious editing to this article before I posted it and the main reason is that the original tone was one of frustration at my circumstances. But then today during my lunch break, I spent most of it playing games on my phone instead of using the time to write like I usually do. If I really do want to get somewhere I need to actually put in the effort even when I sometimes don’t feel like it. I’ve dealt with this idea in the past, but it seems like I need to keep reminding myself.

So what is my solution? What is my hope for the future of my dreams? I have to believe that I haven’t been given talent for no reason. I have to believe that I was meant to use my talents for something more than just entertaining myself. I have to continue to believe that one day I will actually be doing something more meaningful than helping customers buy office products. And at the same time not lose site of the possibility that there is a reason why the people I work with are in my life, that they might somehow need me in their lives and that I might somehow need them in mine. I must be resolute in my pursuit of my dreams, yet not take for granted what is around me in the here and now. I’m usually not this introspective on this blog but recent events have me being a bit introspective lately.

Some random trivia for you: The title for this article was taken from a line in a song I wrote a few years ago titled “You Remain.” It’s about someone reaching the end of their life and questioning whether any good had come from it. It’s sung from the perspective of someone affirming to the person that they had indeed impacted many lives.