An Old Testament Guide to Getting Out of a Jam

The Bible is full of wisdom on many subjects but one subject that is rarely discussed is what to do if you are faced with an uncomfortable situation that you’d rather not deal with. This is strange though because the Bible is full of examples on how to get out of a jam. Let’s take a look at some of the Bible’s best methods for getting out of something.

1. Blame it on your wife. (Adam) – So you’ve done something wrong and now you’ve been caught. What’s the Biblical thing to do? Blame it on your wife of course! Okay, so that didn’t really work for Adam. Maybe Eve had a better idea…

2. Blame it on the devil. (Eve) – So your husband ratted you out, now what? Say the devil made you do it of course! I mean who can say he didn’t? Well maybe God would know. That didn’t really work for Eve.

3. Feign ignorance. (Cain) – This one is usually effective, unless God is involved. If someone’s questioning you about your involvement in something, you can do the Biblical thing and just pretend like you don’t know what happened. Please don’t use this to try and get away with murder. It didn’t work out for Cain.

4. Pretend your wife is actually your sister. (Abraham and Isaac) – This one seems pretty low and it’s not something I would do but maybe other people will feel differently. If  for example some rough looking guy is eying up your wife and you are afraid of getting beat up over it. Well you could just pull an Abraham or Isaac trick and pretend that she’s actually your sister. Sure it seems a little sleazy to protect yourself and put your wife in a compromising position but hey it’s Biblical!

5. Pretend that you are mentally unstable (David) – This is my personal favorite. What better way to get out of a jam than to pretend that you are insane? And unlike many of the other things listed here, this one actually worked out for David. Might not be the best way to say get out of a traffic ticket but it could be a good way to get out of jury duty.

6. Sleep on the roof to avoid arguing with your wife. (Proverbs) – The book of Proverbs tells us that it’s better to sleep on the roof than to share a house with a quarrelsome wife. Now back in Biblical times most roofs would have been flat, so sleeping on the roof would have been considerably easier to do. Also modern houses don’t usually have easy access to the roof, so that means climbing up a ladder in the dark. Which wouldn’t be very safe. Still, the Bible says to do it, so if you are arguing with your spouse, maybe the roof is a good escape.

7. Sail on a ship to a different country. (Jonah) – I know what some of you are saying, what if I’ve got a really big problem that I’m trying to get away from? Well thankfully the Bible once again provides the answer in the book of Jonah. Jonah wanted to avoid going to Ninevah so he got on a ship and sailed in the opposite direction. These days we would probably use a plane instead of a boat but the principle is still the same. This could work pretty well, unless what you are running from is God. Beware of big fish.

8. Sell your brother into slavery. (Joseph’s brothers) – Okay this seems like a really big problem. Your sibling is the favorite and there’s nothing you can do about it, or is there? Joseph’s brothers thought that selling him into slavery would be a good idea. And as it turns out it really was because Joseph became powerful in Egypt and was able to save his brothers from famine then. Of course 400 years of slavery in Egypt followed that but hey, at least those brothers didn’t have to put up with favoritism anymore.

9. Dress up like an animal (Jacob) – Disguises are always a popular choice for getting out of a jam. Whether you’re robbing a bank, or you are a celebrity trying to get away from the press, or you are just trying to steal your older brother’s birthright.

10. When in doubt, throw some rocks. (David) – This is another great one from David. Before he came up with his popular “act like a lunatic” routine, he was pretty good at throwing rocks at people. When all else fails, and you are still in a tough spot, start throwing rocks.

I hope that this article helps you if you are ever in a jam. In all seriousness though,  whatever you are going through in life, the Bible can provide the insight you need to make it through. Seek and you shall find.

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